I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
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I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
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All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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