angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
