He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize