Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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