The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
