Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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