I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
