I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
