East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
