I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
