Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
nutella sex= disaster
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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