Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
