He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I'm passing your future prison.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Everclear isn't food dammit
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
