Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
