So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
