Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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