the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
