So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
