I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
