Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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