Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I've blown a few things in my day
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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