yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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