he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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