There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
