I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
