fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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