chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
