the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
