this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
