Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
