Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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