put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
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