Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
