??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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