I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit