the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
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dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
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And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.