dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm like, not good at living.
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