I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Is This New Dating App Elitistâ€¦Or Genius?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?