I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.