Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He had one of those small greek statue penises
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
