This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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