I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
