the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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