I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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