My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
