the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
