It was confusing and full of hummus
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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