He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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