is your mom at the bar?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
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