anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
