Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
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