The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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