yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
