Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
