There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
