If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
she looked like the before picture.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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