Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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