"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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