You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
