He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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