i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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