i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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