I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize