I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
