he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Randomize
