Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize