i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
