john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
