his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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