Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
