this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
