he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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