if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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