I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
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So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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