Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
