She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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