No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
he puts the penis in happiness.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
