...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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