That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
My dad is sitting where you rode me
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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